think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
After last night, I could never be a politician.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
