This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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