hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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