ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm having to shit out rocks
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