I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
