They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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