I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
