im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
