Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
