Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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