She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My feet surprised me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
