My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
