The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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