yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
