whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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