Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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