I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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