Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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