how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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