I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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