There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
