you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
