I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
