No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
