Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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