jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
