it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
