are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
