i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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