Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
