I can tuck mytits in my pants
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
