I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
