this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
