Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have feelings that need drinking.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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