This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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