i jhust puked up my retainher.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
