If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
