Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
