you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
