I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
