She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
