she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
