wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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