i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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