I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
