I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
