I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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