he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize