So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
