Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
