Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
