i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
