Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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