Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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