I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
