You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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