i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
