I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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